Blog Post Three
Just a drop will do…
Just a drop will do!
I found myself sitting in the shower this morning contemplating my current life circumstances. I wouldn't say I was having an existential crisis or a complete meltdown. I was more so having a moment of frustration with a dash of hopelessness. I have been on a journey of spiritual discovery, with side trips to emotional fortitude for the last 3 years. Trying to find myself amongst the forest of religious doctrine I was raised in and the spiritual practices and principles that resonate with me.
While sitting in the shower I was thinking out loud, I call it, others may call it prayer or loud mediation, or perhaps talking to yourself either way it always seems to work when I’m feeling overwhelmed with some negative emotion and need to talk things out.
“ If you want something different you have to do something different” Has been the thing I’ve been saying for quite sometime now however when you don’t know what, “ it” is then how can you do “it”. “ I feel the need to do something but I have no Idea what to do”. I yelled into the water raining down upon me. “ It’s hard to be optimistic when you don’t feel like”
“ I”m so frustrated because everytime I start something I finish it but then it’s like now what” I’ve invested in things that didn’t get any traction, start and stop projects. Feeling rather enthused at the beginning but then feeling overwhelmed which creates a wall that I have to get over, only to create another wall, a wall of frustration I now have to go over, next a wall of guilt shows up which then brings everything to a screeching halt. Only to repeat the cycle of guilt,frustration and overwhelm; I realized as I said these things out loud that I am way to hard on myself, and I set my expectation way to high,
At that moment I thought of the affirmations I’ve been reading lately. I've been reading this page of affirmation for the last couple of days in my car and there was a day when I just really didn’t feel like reading it. Instead of feeling guilty I decided to say just one small positive thing to myself.
“That’s what I need to do, refill my empty cup just one ounce a day. Just say one thing positive about my body, one thing optimistic about my life, say just something nice to myself those three things everyday, I decided that my daily spiritual practice is speaking life into my life. Even when I don’t feel like it, if I do just one drop and say only one positive thing to myself on those days that will eventually add up. Logically speaking, adding ounce after ounce the cup will eventually become full and then naturally overflow. So even in my lowest moments if I just add one drop, that is still more than I had a movement ago, and adding that one drop is enough. I can use this method to help increase my self esteem and my confidence which I realized my self esteem is not on the floor but in hell, the ninth circle of hell to be exact😅😅😅. According to the University of Queensland; self esteem “ develops and changes as a result of your life experiences and interactions with other people.” Given this definition I’d say every relationship and some friendships I’ve had has chipped away at my self esteem to the point, it has fallen through the earth and into hell. I didn’t know that was possible either😆.
I have tried to make changes to my life and nothing really ever sticks past a couple of weeks. If I'm lucky a few months, It hit me like a snowball to the face. Every time I’ve tried to implement something in my life whether it be a lifestyle change or some project, I try taking one big bit out of it. Real sustainable change happens small steps at a time, instead of 100 pushups a day 30 pushups a day, instead of reading a page of affirmations everyday which ends up feeling like a chore, recite a few lines that really resonate with me.
Hearing people say oh just be positive, or just change your mindset, not only does that sound clique, it's also very annoying especially when your feelings are at the very end of the opposite side of the spectrum of happiness, not to mention no one actually says how to do it when your feeling like 💩.
Sitting in that shower, it all made sense all it takes it just one drop, in my cup I could be curled up into a fetal position in my bed and while I lay there say “ everything is always working out for me” even though I may be feeling like nothing is working and feel completely stuck. Just putting that one drop in my cup is more than what I had and completed my daily spiritual practice of speaking life into my life. Sometimes we over complicate things by making big hairy audacious goals for ourselves and we dive right in, and by we I mean me 🫠 overwhelm sets in and before you know it all progress had faded.Taking one baby step a day will eventually get you to your destination. Just as adding one drop and then one ounce to refilling your own proverbial cup day by day until that gauntlet is overflowing with confidence, self esteem, self assurance and self love.
It took me a long time to realize how exactly I’ve been in my own way, I’m glad the problem and the solution came all at the same time. I hope this brings you inspiration, clarity and positive change.