Blog Post Seven

Operation Reinvent Yourself…loading……

If you have read my previous post, you can see that I am going through a really rough time in my life. Posting that blog post was the most vulnerable thing I’ve ever done, and it was terrifying and liberating at the same time. I don’t like to share my struggle, because I’ve been conditioned to believe that I have to do it all on my own. I don’t want to burden anybody else with my problems, and I doubt if anyone can actually help me. So many times I’ve heard people say, "Oh, let me know if you need anything." Too often, those sentiments are just that—an empty, kind gesture. I heard someone say once, "No one is coming to save you; be your own savior,” and to be honest, I feel like that is the case for most of us. If you’ve been raised on survival, like I have, the only person you’ve been able to depend on is yourself; people have either proven to be unreliable, or their help comes with strings attached, and in that case, I’d rather you not offer any help at all. I feel like that is even worse than being unreliable.

Anyway, I know last week I talked about adding a drop to your own cup, and clearly my last post, which was just yesterday, I didn’t have a drop to give. “I’ve been running on fumes for a while now," is how I put it. Last night I was on YouTube trying to find some videos of what to do when you feel hopeless, looking for some inspiration to keep going. I found a video, and honestly I don’t remember all that was said, but this, this right here stuck with me and gave me hope. He said, "Don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle." That's all I need to give me just a little jump start. Sometimes all it takes is just one statement of encouragement to add a couple drops into our own cup.

This evening, when I opened my laptop, I still had the YouTube page open from last night's search, and I saw in the suggestion column a video titled “If you feel behind in life, watch this” By Clark Kegley I watched it, and it was helpful enough. Then I watched another one of his videos called Identity Shifting: How to Reinvent Yourself in 90 Days. Now, this one hit me on a couple of levels; it really confirmed many of the things that I’ve been trying to do with my life but gave me additional information with a fresh perspective. To be honest, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard about reinventing yourself. A few months ago, I saw some women being interviewed talking about it. The part that doesn’t get talked about enough is the steps to get there. I felt like he did just that, and made it simple enough that anyone could do it. (NO, this post isn’t sponsored; I don’t know the guy)

Sidenote: While writing this post, this quote came to mind. I heard it sometime last year: “People change when they... Hurt enough that they have to, Learn enough that they want to, and Receive enough that they are able to.”

―John C. Maxwell,

To summarize in my own words, in a nutshell, in Clark’s video, he explains the three-step process in order to reinvent yourself.

Step one: Reinvent yourself (self-improvement) “embracing the powerful you that has been in you all along; rediscover yourself." Ask yourself several questions: Who do you admire? Whose life would you like to have? Jealousy is just our desires making themselves known (my words, not his). It is through our desires that we reveal our innermost parts of ourselves. Paint the picture of who you want to be. What kind of life do you live? What kind of relationships do you have? What kind of business do you run? What does your house look like? What kind of car do you drive? I’m a go a bit deeper. What types of principles do you abide by? What kind of standards do you uphold? Identify who and what you want to be, what you want to have, and how you want to move through life. Also, change your environment; sometimes it’s hard to thrive where you are. I heard somebody say recently, "Elevation requires separation." So when Clark started talking about changing your environment and how it can change your life, I immediately thought of this quote. Change your apartment, move to a new city, hell! A new country—even a small change like cleaning out your space and arranging the place—brings in a whole new energy. A change in wardrobe also makes a difference. As we all have heard, when you look good, you feel good. I personally know that, to be true, getting rid of old, worn-out clothing that no longer fits and curating a whole new look that feels good is a game changer, if you ask me.

Step two: Release (Self Heal) A.K.A. Shadow work, if you don’t know what shadow work is, I’ll give the abridged version; it’s identifying, acknowledging and healing any negative thought patterns, beliefs and traumas that are negatively impacting you and are holding you back in one way or another. There are plenty of ways to do shadow work, you can do it alone yourself through journaling, meditation and through what I call thinking out loud, taking a voice memo recording. When Clark mentioned doing an audio recording of you talking to yourself to work out the problem, I immediately felt seen. I’ve been that for the past few years now, and it has always helped me work through whatever I was dealing with at the time. So hearing him say it just confirmed that I need to do it more often.

Another form of shadow work, involves getting others involved—literally, going to therapy, talk therapy, CBT, or trauma therapy—and working with a professional to help you identify what your emotional needs are and how to provide them. In addition to therapy, there is life coaching—having someone hold you accountable as well as encourage you. Finally, there are programs such as self-mastery programs that come with community; being able to share your wins and see others win is inspiring.

Last but not least…Step three: Reconfirming

I personally would say that this step is the most important, and here’s why: this is doing something daily that affirms who you are becoming; consistency is key here. This is the part that is going to get you from point A to point B, in my opinion. For example, in my case, I always wanted to be a dancer. When I was a kid, I was a part of a praise dance team for a short while. I was wonderful at it, and I loved it, but due to life circumstances, it only lasted a short while, but my passion for dance is still in me after all these years. So what I would do given these three steps is: first, watch Aliya Janell dance videos; that’s who I’d like to be like, second identify the trauma that stopped me from moving forward with dancing and address it and start to heal from it; and third, I’d get a membership to an online dance class that I can do at home and practice dancing every day, visualizing myself in a studio dancing with Aliya Janell and Teyana Taylor.

These steps sound easy written down, it’s always easier said than done. I know it’s going to take work; remember, just a drop will do the more you add to your cup daily and be consistent, you will reap the rewards. I heard someone say once, "Consistency will get you further than talent”, I’ll never forget that statement it really resonated with me, I agree it will, stand on business about you, show up for you. Just keep going even when you're running on fumes, find a little drop from somewhere to add to your cup.